I woke up to a light flash. Oh.
Was. He had been taking photos of me whilst I was sleeping. I was horrified. What was he wanting the photos for. Was he using them for personal use. Was he putting them online. This was the man I loved. Why was he doing this. When I met my husband. I thought he was the most perfect man I had ever seen.
Successful Smart well liked by all kind family athletic and very handsome. We had an interesting start to our relationship. He chased me and I turned him down for almost a year. I was only 18 and not ready to get into a serious relationship with a man who seemed to be different from the other boys I had dated. But he was very persistent and eventually I could not turn him down anymore. After we had been together a year and a half. He proposed to me. I was so happy. I knew he was a caring and sensible man who would look after me. But then something happened. A week before our wedding. We were at a party we had both been drinking and we went out the front of the house where the party was and began kissing. ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND BEFORE I KNEW IT I was laying on the grass and he was on top of me. It’s not like we had not done anything before and I was about to marry this man. But we were inside of anyone coming in and out of the party and the grass was cold and wet. I said no and tried to get him off of me. He did not stop. I remember laying there feeling numb. Did that just happened. Should I have said No louder. Maybe he didn’t hear me. No one caught us so maybe it wasn’t a big deal.
After all I was his soon to be wife. Looking back on things now this was strike one. I put it behind me. We got married and not long after. Along came our beautiful daughter followed a few years later by our second daughter. My family was complete and I had put that night well out of my mind. He was an amazing father very involved always ready to do the cooking if needed and helped out around the house. He loved taking the girls to play dates and the part he was always committed to us 100 percent. After 10 years of marriage. Our bedroom life had had its ups and downs. I loved sleeping with him though with two small children. It wasn’t always possible or wanted. After a day of them climbing on me and bouncing from the walls. He had expressed that he would like more lovemaking and to be more adventurous. The thought that he wasn’t happy with our love life hurt inside. But. I was understanding. He looked at videos online often and although I didn’t like it I cannot complain. At least he wasn’t cheating I thought. Plus I figured most men do it. Maybe he was just frustrated and wanted me to sleep with him. So I did a few nights later I woke up to a light flash.
What was that. He had been taking photos of me whilst I was sleeping. I was horrified. What was he wanting the photos for. Was he using them for his personal use. Was he putting them online. I stood up for myself and told him I was not happy with it. He said the photos were just for him and just because I was so beautiful. It didn’t matter to me. I was not OK with this. Even though I had caught him and confronted him. It still did not stop him. Sometimes it would happen multiple nights in a row. Sometimes it didn’t happen for so long I thought it stopped and then weeks later he would do it again. Sometimes he was drunk. Sometimes he was sober. I never knew when it was going to happen. What was worse is that I never knew how often it was happening and I wasn’t waking up. With our families or with our girls. He was the perfect man. I couldn’t believe the guy I was looking at in our day to day lives was the same man who was doing this to me. This put a lot of tension on our relationship and we began to argue more. I started to become irritable and tired making me look like the bad person went out in public. I was so sad that I had lost trust in him. Was he a deviant. Maybe he was selling my photos online. Could I trust him anymore. Would he touch my girls. I had a million thoughts rattling through my mind and all of the time he would try to make me feel like it was just because he loved me and thought me so attractive.
One night I pretended disturbed to see his reaction. He just stroked me back off to sleep. He wanted me to be asleep. He didn’t want me to wake up. Why was he doing this. I started not sleeping well at all. Always in fear wondering if tonight was the night I tried to tell him this and he said he wouldn’t do it again. Then he would. It wasn’t until I threatened to leave and told his brothers what he had been doing that he said he didn’t know how much it was affecting me and he wouldn’t do it again. His brothers convinced me to stay with him because he was such a great father and in all other aspects a great husband. But this was strike to. He went to see a counselor and I for a moment thought everything was going to be OK. I tried to forgive him and move on. Then one night after he had been drinking heavily I woke up pinned to my bed to see him sitting on top of me. My instant reaction was fear at this point I curled up in pain and rolled to the side throwing him off. He passed out. The next day. He had no recollection of what had happened. All I had was the massive bruise across my stomach and a shattered heart. He had not changed. He had escalated. Strike three. He apologized many times cried. Said he would never hurt me again. However for me I had now been in fear for five years. My girls were old enough to see that their mom was not happy.
This for me gave me the strength to move on. He may be a good father a good employer a good friend and a good son but he was not a good husband. No matter how good things look on the outside sometimes you just don’t know what is happening behind closed doors. It’s time for me to start my life and to find a man who truly loves me and doesn’t just see me as an object.